Always I will Wait

2004-07-30T19:38:00.000-07:00

its been so long since i wrote, haiz so many things happening, ive got so damn much of a homework to do, and probably just flunk my chem test, nvm, yesterday i saw lin jun jie, oo, he was soooo cuteee, haiz nvm, thinking too much about him, failing all my tests, nvm, muz study hard, yes, must, haiz cannot concentrate, so long nv write also dunno how to write, so i write out some of my wishes.
1st: muz grow taller
2nd: hug jay jay? really?
3rd: do well for end of year
4th: grand mama and papa convert to christians
5th: be able to fly
6th: be happy forever
7th: continue talking

lame.... bad mood. nothing else to write, haizzz

2004-05-27T01:34:00.001-07:00

yooz, this elective is so fun and so slack.... probably the greatest week in my life, i was really shocked when i saw my marks, i expected much worse, Thank You God. ok, im going to beijing, so happy, thought i would never get in, another big thank you God!! yooz, this last few weeks have been the best of all so far, how i wish every week would be like this, yanzi so totally rocks!!! yay! im damn damn busy thisholiday, haizz, why so much homework and project, if i can finish it, it would be a miricle, really, so stressed out i am. i dunno what to say,but eunice, i dunno why, but everytime i see u, i think u very qian bian, loz, and very cute too, nv mean to laugh at you, u dun be angry k... ok, muzgo and bian chem journal, God bless me again. Thankkkk youuuu God.. Amen

Always when i needed U
U were there for me
when i lost faith
u forgave me
when i doubted in U,
U make me believe back agin.
U touched me, as none could ever do
My Saviour, thou i love
Everyday, i see Ur blessing
Everday, its a miricle...
For U are the First, the Last, The Forever.
Beacuz U live,
i can face tomorrow.
Thank You,
Heavenly Father
and forgive me.....
As U always had.

Amen

2004-05-20T02:42:00.000-07:00

haiz,i so disappointed with my sec three marks, it sototally sucks, haizz, iam so damn sad, ive got a physics test yet to touch, so much hw to do that it frightens me, and so lowin moral, that im wondering if i would even make through this year, haizzz, y lif so hard, loz i should be contened, pep out there are starving, juz sawthe news paper, that damnabe ahb sucks, suckssss, hes an awful leader, i hateeee him, his speech was worse then shit.... ok, today was a shitty day,and i dun think it gonna stop, well nvm, im so scared of getting back my report book, loz, i knew it would be a b3, haiz nvm, there are worse things than that i guess...., juz that i dun wanna disappoint my parents...

pls
a plea
pls,give me a chnce
to prove myself,
i know i can...
just once

pls, pls God
Give me this chnce,
cuz it what i wanna do with my life
why do i have a heart, so tainted?
tears no longer shed, heart a ice
fiery, yet frezzing
it feels choking, unable to get it out
disappointment,sadness,
oh God, how much more confidence am i gonna lose?

help me, pls, help me,
a plea for help,
to dream, to acheive, to receive and to give
for me for u for them for all

a silent thank, as soft as whisper
yet as deep as ur love for me.
Thank u.....

sheperd of my soul, i give u full control, when ever u may lead, i will follower.. My God, let my faith stay, my trust, always... till eternity God...Amen

2004-05-12T02:55:00.000-07:00

haiz, another day, i seem to have a lower and a lower eq, how come all of a sudden like mute, loz, nvm, so sad today, i did badly for my chinese overall, haizz, not that i expected more, but nvm, at least i wanted some encouragement, ok, im juz so down cast, in the csm i nv get to met mr ma, nvm, juz dun have yuan with him. this fewdays very stressed, yay,finally studying lit, lit and his onli subject i reallylike, the rest, i can barely understand, nofun, today gota lotta hw, muz try hard, pep in my class all damn hardworking, muz strive and go forward, no pt stayingbehind eventhough i will nv change, lozz, me very stupid huh... nvm haiz,sad boringday, later muz let mama sign ss test,lozit was horrible, hehe wonder what she say....

tears
years go by and i am waiting for u
years go by and ive stopped,
totally stopped knowing who i am
ive lost----
my identity
my dream,
my childhood,
everything, every single flashback are hazy and fuzzy

why do i not have this will and power?
resilent, overdomineering, self reliant,
why cant i be all that....
loser, total loser

years go by and ive understood
life is not about all this
ive failed and its all starting
its a circle, my life, until the day it finally ends

no tears is needed, no worries should be harboured,

be free, isnt it simple......

2004-05-04T02:17:00.000-07:00

omg,i was writing halfway and everything disappear, this comp sucksssssssss, i dun feel like writing anymore, just that im loving this character in mybook, i had a nice day, real wonderful,first time, im missingmy family andi got to know jawar, someone who seems to popped out from the news, hes right special, not afraid of death, a freedom fighter. ok now i write a poem

yaya, so happy
lon long time nv so lame
hahahahahahahaha
gonna laugh, if not next time no chance....

ooooooooooz, try making me happier,
im thanking God for all he has given me
yeaaaaaaa, alamat
shit,dun wanna write

ok
bye byeee=)))))))

2004-05-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

ah hahaa i dun know wheather to cry or laugh. ok iflunk it, just great, i did badlyfor my math test, and im gonna do even worse for my history. so God, then why am i here? ok, there is a purpose and im gonna believe it. the gd thing is that i nv flunk my math, the bad thing is i did badly, guess there arealways things to be thankful of. im so veri scared, i wanna do well,but it isnt working,im slacking so damn much. eunice tok nvcometo school,so my luck came tumbling down, lameright, but i juz knew it. haiz,this few days i kept dreaming about end of year, i cant wait to go back.... i miss home, some pep dun think i suit there, maybe i dont, but its my home. haiz, idun wanna let my papa see my math paper, even less my report book, imagine, how horrible it would be......... nvm, ive trustedGodand iknow God wouldgive me the strength i need..... Amen, God plsssss

2004-04-28T02:47:00.000-07:00

Another day i helped people shuan ming, now then i know people liked hearing about the future.mee toooooo, likeif Mr ma would like me... loz juz joking. library is not fun, butits damn slack. haiz,todayis very boring, i think i flunk my history, haizzzzzzzzzzzzzz. im so scared. i like history alot, i dun wanna flunk. u know what i want, i dun really get it. eunice tok can go and die, feel like pouring sulphric acid on her. loz, what would happen??? her skin is too thick to be corroded. nothing to say, juz that im very stressed, God, forgive me and help me. ok, i gtg. how i wish she was here.... haiz.

For u

we had a beautiful time
till time do us apart
it was more than love,
it was us, u and me.
Bonded by blood, tied together in this world

we are equal,
dont u think otherwise
life is cruel
and i am happier

u know, how much i missed u?
in this lonely place ive nv belonged?
only u dared to give me back
the last shred of self confidence

beneanth this mask, only u can
make me happy, oh
God can too.....
After all he made me know u.

i miss u, lifes a misery
pls, will u come?
ui are a star that shines into my life
u better come- if not, u gonna get it from me

miss u.......

2004-04-27T02:34:00.000-07:00

Another day has past.. i did my math test to day, it sucks, i have a strong feeling i gonna do badly, so stressed up. school is fun, i get to hear about Mr Ma... loz, i did my template today, nice? i thought it was ok. i feel like writing something, but i dunno what to write..

time..... how it has flown
till ive become nothing more than a whisper
take me away, from all this, bring me i plead
to where i wanna fly... always

for what time has done,
undo it.... till nothing can bound me
for freedom. for my peace
words, speak up

life love all a mystery
people pain all a fear
yet with u yet through u
My God

Ive learnt to give thanks
ive learnt to see theworld
a place of bloodshed andhate
yet in it all, there is

hope..................

ok, im hoping, i did not flunk my math test...

2004-04-23T02:32:00.000-07:00

Today i created this blog . its funny, i dun wanna say, sometimes life is so dumb. i hate it, i wanna a life of my own, no restrints, no controls. u scold me, i lie to u, for all that is complicated, i dunno. a memory of the past, a hope for tomorrow, but why dont i get any encouragement? u say i am stupid, i think u are a pig. for all hate and love, nothing can show my sorrow. u think i am happy, so u know me? never, never, no one, not you, i am my own, u can shut up, shut up and stay put. one day when we met, it will be tears and laughter. i am fearful,my God when will it end? of all life has given me,i just wish and wish for u, if u dont come out,i dun wanna live. of all my life, i have prayed for u, my final wish, if it is not granted to me, how do u expect me to live? life has its sorrow, i am a crap in it, u arethe golden hub, but one day, i will return, for what else has God made me come here.